SCENE: Morning, sunny, Seattle. Two intrepid WRITERS and the PARENTS of one of them prepare to drive to Anacortes, for a ferry to Orcas Island.
MARK: Here is my small backpack for our two-day trip, and two bags of groceries for our lunch and dinner.
ME: Here are my several bags for my five-day trip away from home, and my hiking clothes and my yoga mat and all the shoes I might want, I’ll just bring them all, okay?
DAD and STEPMOM: Here are all our bags for our two-week driving trip across three states and maybe Canada, we can just bring them all, okay?
ME: Sure! It’s a station wagon!
STEPMOM: Oh yes and our little dog too.
MARK: Sure! Gee, I cannot even see out the back, things are piled so high. Good thing there are side view mirrors.
SCENE: On the road.
ME: I need a bathroom.
DAD: Coffee! We need coffee!
ME: Yay coffee!
MARK: You know we need to get to the ferry two hours before, even though they say one hour, right?
ME, DAD, and STEPMOM: We’ve got plenty of time!
SCENE: Gas station, just outside of Anacortes.
MARK: Wow, cheap gas! Let’s fill up!
ME: Bathroom, yay!
ME (a moment later): WHAT DO YOU MEAN BATHROOM OUT OF SERVICE I WILL KILL YOU ALL
STEPMOM: Look, fireworks! Let’s buy fireworks!
MARK: We should really get to that ferry…
SCENE: Ferry terminal, Anacortes
EVERYONE: Look at all those cars in line already…
DAD (now behind the wheel, garnering senior discount for the journey): Have we made the ferry?
CLERK: Oh, probably, unless there are a lot of medicals.
EVERYONE (after we’re given our red ribbon and sent into line): Medicals?
SCENE: Down the beach from the Anacortes terminal
MARK and ME: Picnic lunch, everyone!
ME: Good thing we got here nice and early, we can enjoy this lovely lunch while our car sits in line.
MARK: But we should be sure to get back to the car in time, when they start loading.
SCENE: Back at the car, in plenty of time.
PARENTS: Gosh, it’s a while till we load the ferry. Can we roll down the windows?
MARK: Sure! (turns key, lets windows roll down, stereo come on, AC come on)
EVERYONE: Ah, that’s better.
(a few minutes later)
ME: Gee, shouldn’t we be loading by now?
MARK: Dang ferry, being late.
(more time elapses)
ME: Well, it’s done unloading, I guess we’ll be loading soon.
(more time elapses)
MARK: Ah! Loading! Time to start the car!
CAR: BZZZT. Click.
MARK: Oh shit the battery’s dead!
(cars before us start up and drive onto ferry)
EVERYONE: Hahahahhaha very funny.
MARK: No really.
CARS BEHIND US: WTF? Let’s pass them and take the last ferry spot!
MARK (to car next to us): Can you jump us?
ME: I know where the jumper cables are…they’re underneath everything in the back!
Blur of activity here, too fast for the human eye to see. Probably most closely resembles a racetrack pit crew. Car is jump-started in something under sixty seconds.
ME: All those cars passed us!
MARK: I will go and speak to The Authorities! (runs off; returns a moment later) Everyone inside! Go go go!
AUTHORITY LADY: Yes, go ahead, through here, hurry!
AUTHORITY MAN (on ferry): Yes, right this way! No you cannot leave the car on, we can jump it again at the other end!
EVERYONE (on board ferry, as it pulls away): Oh my god we made it.
ME: Where is the wine?
MARK: Where are the cookies?
DAD: Gee, I hope I put everything back in the back after we got the jumper cables out…