I’ve been feeling sort of partially disassembled all day. I slept till 9, which is not unheard of, though it is absolutely not normal; all the things I thought I would get done today, were not the things I got done today.
Though I did get things done today! Laundry, and some groceries, and some proofreading, and the making-and-cleaning-up-after meals, and even a yoga class. But not any Our Lady work, or any wedding-planning work, or other more pressing things.
And a fun thing happened! My Facebook post of last month made Ann Arbor Amish today! Clearly Portland and Ann Arbor are sister cities. Or something.
But…mostly I feel kind of like…when you’re screwing the cap down on something but you haven’t got the threads lined up right. Everything’s just a little cockeyed.
I’m sure it’ll be okay eventually. These things take time, and it’s different for everyone. And my position in it all is…as it ever was…complicated.
There are so many people posting memories of Jay online. I am turning up in more than a few of them–photos, or by name. It’s fine–I mean, it’s marvelous, I am happy to have been an important part of his life, however briefly, as he was in mine. No matter how it ended. It was intense, and life-changing. I just…don’t quite know what to do with it all now.
So I think I will go read. That’s usually a good answer for me. 🙂