This isn’t really a comprehensive post…I’m just not up to digging through last year’s journal. So I will forget things, probably important things. So be it.
I used to reread my journals all the time–my handwritten journals (I haven’t kept a handwritten journal in years…) and my LJ. I can’t remember the last time I’ve done that. So much else to do!
2012 was a big year, but also a transitional year. Actually, the continuation of a major life transition that started for me in 2008-2009, when I began understanding the problem and then extricating myself from a long marriage, and exploring who *I* might really be (as opposed to who Wife-of-That-Guy was).
As with most anyone, there were pluses and minuses. The pluses first:
-I sold my first novel. And my second novel (plus three sequels)! Two separate sales, to two separate, reputable small publishers. Not big money, but VERY exciting. I’ve already made a round of major revisions for The Queen and The Tower (formerly Nightcraft Mother); Eel River needs very little work, I am told. Both novels should be available sometime around the middle of this year. Of course I will let you know when I have more details. 🙂
This is huge. For so many years now, I’ve wanted to publish a novel. I’ve worked so hard at it, and gathered so many rejections. And now I’ve sold two, on my own! My hope going forward is that I can use these respectable sales to get the attention of a brilliant agent (for Hobgoblin, maybe?), and continue to build my career. So that is my next project: reworking Hobgoblin, probably as a YA novel.
-The other immensely marvelous plus in my life is the continuing deepening of my relationship with Mark. He is endlessly delightful; smart and loving and creative and sweet and clever; excellent company; a brilliant collaborator; an amazing partner. I am grateful every day that he is in my life, and that he loves me. I have never had a relationship like this one. He makes me better–no, he gives me room to BECOME better, with generous encouragement and delight.
-There were smaller joys too–though “smaller” doesn’t seem like quite the right word. How about less all-encompassing? Like, the evolving joy of gardening, how I keep learning what works and what doesn’t, and enjoying the bounty of my harvest. Swimming and yoga, those little respites in my daily life (sorely missed last month). Reading. My freelance work–getting paid to read! Spending so much time with my family, even though I moved a state away. Developing new friendships and deepening existing ones. Continuing to figure out who I am and who I want to be.
But 2012 had tragedy and disappointment, too. We lost Mark Bourne, a dear friend who I hadn’t known nearly long enough, but I loved him. I miss him still, can’t believe I won’t see him when I visit Seattle, that I can’t just write him a little email about anything and get a prompt, loving, hilariously witty (and so wise) reply. Fifty is far too young to die.
I worked hard to become a realtor, then set it down when it became obvious that I didn’t like it and wasn’t any good at it.
Smaller dissatisfactions: I didn’t write as much as I’d like–almost no new words. (Lots of editing, though.) I didn’t sell many short stories. I traveled quite a bit too much, and spent much of the year feeling uprooted and out-of-routine. And, as a direct result of that, both Mark and I currently weigh more than either of us ever have before. (I guess it’s true what they say about “fat and happy”!) 😉 I would like to get better balance in 2013, so that the travel feels like a rare treat rather than an expensive (and fattening) burden.
On balance, though, I’d say my life is pretty darn good. I’ve worked hard to become the person I am today; I’ve got more hard work to keep growing, to become the person I want to be, the person I know I can be. I am grateful to be here now, and to have the love of a marvelous man, a wonderful family, and an assortment of awesome friends.
I hope 2013 brings much joy and wonder to all of you. And thank you for wading through all of today’s navel-gazing! 🙂